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Sex Jokes
Crystal Bowl
Sister Mary Holycard was in her 60s, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon early in the spring a young priest came to chat, so she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She then invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young priest noticed a crystal glass bowl sitting on top of it filled with water, and in the water floated, a condom. Well, imagine how shocked and surprised he was. Imagine his curiosity! Surely, he thought, Sister Mary had flipped or something! When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat, and of course, the priest tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water, and the strange floater. Soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer. "Sister," he asked, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?" (pointing to the crystal bowl) "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?" "I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know I haven't had a cold all winter!"
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Triplets
One night a lady pregnant with triplets was walking by and a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her in the stomach three times. Her doctor told her that he couldn't perform surgery because it would be too risky. All was well for 16 years when one of the girls came running into the room crying. "Whats wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a pee and a bullet came out". "It's okay" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the other girl came running into the room crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out?" "Yes" replied the girl. "It's okay" said the mom and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy came running in crying, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out. "No" replied the boy, "I was playing with myself and shot the dog!!!!"
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Golf With Benefits
A man asks an attractive woman on the golf course if she'd like to play a round with him. She wins by four strokes. Sensing the guy's embarrassment, the woman offers to take him to the parking lot and give him head in her car to make him feel better. For the rest of the week, they play together every morning. The woman wins by four or five strokes each time and then goes down on him in the parking lot. On Friday, he invites her to his house for a romantic dinner. That evening, they have a lovely meal and move to the couch to fool around. The woman pulls away and says, "That's it -- stop, wait -- I must confess something to you. I'm a transvestite. I'm really a man!" "You son of a bitch!" the guy exclaims. "You've been hitting off the women's tee all week!"
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