Q: What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
A: The black one steals your watch.
Q: How is Donald Trump going to get rid of all the illegal Mexicans?
A: Juan by Juan.
Q: What did the looters leave behind at the Walmart in Wisconsin?
A: Work boots and Father's Day cards.
Q: Why are Ethiopian's teeth so white?
A: Because they never use them.
Girlfriend vs Wife / Boyfriend vs Husband
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes