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The best jokes and joke writers!

Mohammed and Douglas Adams

Q: What do Mohammed and Douglas Adams have in common?

A: A deep, abiding respect for the value of a towel on the head.

Muslim Ban

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Muslims had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Muslim community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Muslim community. If the Muslims won, they could stay in Italy; and if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Muslim people met and picked an aged and wise Mufti to represent them in the debate. However, as the Mufti didn't speak Italian, and the Pope didn't speak Arabic, they agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and Mufti sat opposite each other. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Mufti looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his fingers around his head. The Mufti pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Mufti pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Moulana was too clever. The Muslims could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God! Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He beat me at every move and I could not continue!"

Meanwhile, the Muslim community gathered to ask the Mufti how he'd won. "I haven't a clue," the Mufti said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him as they call it 'the finger.' Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Muslims and I told him that we were staying right here!" "And then what?" asked a woman. "Who knows?" said the Mufti. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

Goat Rubbing

Q: Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat?

A: He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday

Iraqi TV Guide

Iraqi TV Guide:


8:00 - Husseinfeld

8:30 - Mad About Everything

9:00 - Suddenly Sanctions

9:30 - Allah McBeal


8:00 - Wheel of Fortune and Terror

8:30 - The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right

9:00 - Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things

9:30 - Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers


8:00 - Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

8:30 - Diagnosis: Heresy

9:00 - Just Shoot Me

9:30 - Veilwatch


8:00 - Mahatma Loves Chachi

8:30 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H

9:00 - Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses

9:30 - My Two Baghdads


8:00 - Judge Saddam

8:30 - Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things

9:00 - Achmed's Creek

9:30 - No-witness News

Muslim Heaven

Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said "Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven." The Muslims said "But we are good Christians!" St. Peter replied "Okay, if you're good Christians then tell me what is Easter?" The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!" St. Peter shook his head, and said "Next!" The second Muslim guy then came up and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!" St. Peter sighed, and said "Next!" So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St. Peter and says, "Oh, I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man died on the cross for the people, and they buried him in a cave. After three days the Jesus man got up, went out of the cave, saw his shadow, and there was 6 more weeks of winter!"