Religion Jokes - Heaven Jokes

Nuns at the Gate

So, four nuns die at about the same time, and are waiting at the pearly gates to consult St. Peter. He says, "Next!" He asks the first nun, "Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask this: Have you ever come in contact with a penis?" The first nun says, embarrased, "Well, I was a nurse for a while, Mr. Peter, so, yes, I had to touch a few penises in my time..." St. Peter says, "No problem! Just wash your hands out in that there fountain of holy water, and go right in!" So the nun washes her hands, and the gates spring open, the music plays, and the first nun walks right in. Then St. Peter asks the second nun, "Have you ever come in contact with a penis?" The second nun says, embarrassed, "Well, once I was trying to convert some people, and I wandered into a movie theater by accident. There was a penis on the screen..." "Not to worry!" laughs St. Peter. "Just wash your eyes out in the fountain of holy water over there, and you're set!" So the nun washes her eyes, and the gates spring open, the music plays, and the second nun walks right in. Then St. Peter begins to ask the third nun. "Have you ever come in cont..." Suddenly, the fourth nun interrupts! "Um, Mr. Peter, I reeeaaaallly have to go first!" "Be patient, child, you'll have your turn," says St. Peter. He turns to the third one again. "Now, have you ever come in contact with..." "Mr. PETER!!!!" The fourth one screams. "I REALLY have to go first." "I'll ask you in just a moment! I have to ask this young lady first!" "NO WAY!" the fourth one says, practically fuming. "I'm not gonna wash out my mouth in that fountain after she washes her ass out in it!!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Nun / Priest Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Abo's at the Pearly Gates

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's stroll up ."Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says. In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off. St. Peter takes his leave. 5 minutes later St. Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone." God says, "the Abo's? Good," and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Property Dispite

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are separated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers.
He called the devil over and said, "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence... but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before.
"Satan!" beckoned God. "You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!"
"Yeah? What if I don't?" replied the devil. "I'll sue you if I have to," answered God. "Sure," laughed Satan. "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Religion Jokes (God Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Devil Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Lawyer Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous