Religion Jokes - Heaven Jokes

Pope and Lawyer

The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, "Just a minute, I'll be right back". At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away. When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, "Follow me to your new quarters." Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe - struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity. Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said, "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room and I get this small room. Saint Peter said, "Well, you see, we have a great many popes here in heaven, but only ONE lawyer."

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Lawyer Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Nuns at the Gate

So, four nuns die at about the same time, and are waiting at the pearly gates to consult St. Peter. He says, "Next!" He asks the first nun, "Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask this: Have you ever come in contact with a penis?" The first nun says, embarrased, "Well, I was a nurse for a while, Mr. Peter, so, yes, I had to touch a few penises in my time..." St. Peter says, "No problem! Just wash your hands out in that there fountain of holy water, and go right in!" So the nun washes her hands, and the gates spring open, the music plays, and the first nun walks right in. Then St. Peter asks the second nun, "Have you ever come in contact with a penis?" The second nun says, embarrassed, "Well, once I was trying to convert some people, and I wandered into a movie theater by accident. There was a penis on the screen..." "Not to worry!" laughs St. Peter. "Just wash your eyes out in the fountain of holy water over there, and you're set!" So the nun washes her eyes, and the gates spring open, the music plays, and the second nun walks right in. Then St. Peter begins to ask the third nun. "Have you ever come in cont..." Suddenly, the fourth nun interrupts! "Um, Mr. Peter, I reeeaaaallly have to go first!" "Be patient, child, you'll have your turn," says St. Peter. He turns to the third one again. "Now, have you ever come in contact with..." "Mr. PETER!!!!" The fourth one screams. "I REALLY have to go first." "I'll ask you in just a moment! I have to ask this young lady first!" "NO WAY!" the fourth one says, practically fuming. "I'm not gonna wash out my mouth in that fountain after she washes her ass out in it!!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Nun / Priest Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Private Parts)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Abo's at the Pearly Gates

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's stroll up ."Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says. In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off. St. Peter takes his leave. 5 minutes later St. Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone." God says, "the Abo's? Good," and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Ethnic / Country Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous