Cool Stud!

Two men died and went to Heaven. St. Peter greeted them, and said "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but your mansions aren't ready yet. Until they are, I can send you back to Earth as whatever you want to be." "Great!" said the first guy, "I want to be an eagle soaring above beautiful scenery!" "No problem," replied St. Peter, and POOF! The guy was gone. "And what do you want to be," St. Peter asked the other guy. "I'd like to be one cool stud!" was the reply. "Easy," replied St. Peter, and the other guy was gone. After a few months, their mansions were finished, and St. Peter sent an angel to fetch them back. "You'll find them easily," he says "One of them is soaring above the Grand Canyon, and the other one is on a snow tire somewhere in Detroit!"

An Email From God!

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time. When she returned she told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good." Well, he thought for a moment and said "Maybe I had better send down a male angel; to get both points of view." So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good." God said this was not good. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage them a little, something to help them keep going. Do you know what that E-mail said?... Oh! You didn't get one either huh?

Heaven and Smoking

Q: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven?
A: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.