Satan's Beatitudes

• Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians in Church - they are my best workers.
• Blessed are those who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked - I can use them in my business.
• Blessed are those who are touchy. Soon they will stop going to church - verily, they shall be my missionaries.
• Blessed are those who sow gossip and trouble - they are my beloved children.
• Blessed are those who have no time to pray - for they are MY prey.
• Blessed are those who gossip - for they are my secret agents.
• Blessed are you when you read this and think it has everything to do with other people, and nothing to do with you. - I've got room for YOU at my inn.

One Way to Learn English

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England for a visit. "Do you have anything to declare?" asked the customs inspector. "No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all." "How long do you plan to stay?" "Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks." "By the way, where did you learn English?" "From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio."

Pray For Me

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"