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Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes
Wedding Performance
On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance. "Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous." "Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager? Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees." So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!
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Up or Down?
There was an elderly couple that was on their way for a 2 week vacation on a Caribbean cruise. The wife, unfortunately, forgot her hearing aides at home... Upon arriving to the cabin that was to be theirs during the trip, they noticed that it had 2 bunk beds. So, as they were retiring for the first night, the husband says to his wife, "Up, or down?" The wife inexplicably removes all her clothing and makes love to her husband all night long. The next night, the husband wonders if he'll get lucky again... So, he says to his wife, "Up, or down?" She again removes all her clothing and makes love to him all night long. This continues for 2 glorious weeks. When they arrive home from their trip, the wife retrieves her hearing aides. As they retire for the first night home, the husband decides to try the magic words again... "Up, or down?" His wife says, "What?" To which he replies, "During the whole trip, my dear, I said those words every night and you took off all your clothes and made love to me all night long." The wife says, "Ooooh, I thought you said 'Fuck, or drown !".
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Honest Marriage
A wealthy business man and his wife are looking through a marriage- help book when his husband turns to his wife. ''It says here that the most important thing in a marriage is honesty. So let's come to grips here. Honey... have you ever cheated on me? I've never cheated on you.'' He saw the twisted look on his wife's face, and trying to suppress his anger, he asked: ''How many times? And when?'' The wife responded, ''Well... you know that time when your company was broke, and you couldn't get the landlord to let his pay slide for another month?'' The husband stared. ''You mean you're the one who got him to?'' His wife nodded. The husband thought it over, then sighed. ''I guess that's okay. Any other times?'' ''Well... when you had that heart attack, and the doctor refused to give a heart transplant for the amount of money we had at the time... I kinda...'' ''Ah, you're the one who made it possible.'' The husband looked honestly relieved. ''Well, that's understandable, you saved my life. Any others?'' She nodded. ''One more.'' The husband leaned forward. ''Well... you remember the time when you were running for president of your company, and you were short by 17 votes...?''
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