Good News, Bad News, and Worse News
Good News: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad News: She wants a divorce
Worse News: She's a lawyer
My ex-wife was a great housekeeper
When we got divorced she kept the house
Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on the beach. The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
A guy was driving his car at 80 mph when he saw the flashing red and blue lights. Thinking that the cop might not be able to catch him, he accelerated to 110 mph.
He finally came to some sense and pulled over to the side. The cop stepped out, took his license and examined it without a word. He looked at the driver and said, "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pullover. I don't feel like doing anymore paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
The driver blinked only once while his brain scramble for a reply. "Last week my wife ran off with a cop, " he said, " and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
"Off you go," said the officer.