A husband says to his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”
She says, “I would take half and then leave you.”
“Excellent,” he replies. “I won $12. Here’s $6. Now get the f*ck out.”
"Mrs. Riley, you say you divorced your husband 6 years ago, but you have a newborn infant and children 1, 2, 3, and 4 years old. How come?"
"Well, every year, he comes back to apologize."
Good News, Bad News, and Worse News
Good News: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad News: She wants a divorce
Worse News: She's a lawyer
My ex-wife was a great housekeeper
When we got divorced she kept the house
Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.