Subjects For a Date

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over

• All of a sudden, she's typing in a different font.
• Instead of hearing that lovely "You've Got Mail" statement when you use America OnLine, you hear "You Just Got Dumped!"
• Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
• You get a Dear John E-mail... Your name is Fred.
• They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
• She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
• She tells you that she's been working a lot. You think it's a professional job, it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom.
• During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!

Bad Date Signs!

• Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date her mother.
• You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her.
• She has a thicker mustache than you.
• When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
• You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.
• Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.
• You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.
• At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
• She beats up some guy for making fun of your hair cut.
• You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
• At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.
• She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet satan.
• She constantly complains that her cat won't stop laughing at her.
• She informs you that you can't go out again because her spirit guide doesn't like you.
• She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend doesn't like you.