The Boarder

An eighty-year-old man went to his doctor for a checkup. The man was getting married in a month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, but it didn't work.
"If you want your marriage to last," the doctor conceded, "I say you at least take in a boarder." The old man agreed.
The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later. The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant."
"That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help."
"Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."

It's a Sin

"I've had it with my wife," said one drinking buddy to the other. "I'm filing for an divorce."
"Sorry to hear that, pal," said his partner. "May I ask why?"
"I found her supply of birth control pills," said the first.
"Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can't see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin."
"It ain't just that." stormed Frank. "I had a vasectomy over five years ago."

Wrong Size

A woman that was on her death-bed turned to her husband telling him he should get married soon after she'll die, to which the man said-Okay. Then she told him that he may bring the new wife to her home, Okay said the man, and you may give her my silver-Okay said he, you will also give her my jewelry-Okay, said the man, and you will also give her my dresses, said the woman -"This will not be possible," answered the man - "you see, you are size 8 and she is size 10."