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The best jokes and joke writers!

Hiring a Private Detective

A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of compromising situations as the man can get.

Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs. They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos. The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and the man are sharing obvious utter glee.

"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing! I just can't believe it."

"What can't you believe?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I have all the times and dates in my log."

"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that much fun."

Bill And Bob's Wives

Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. For the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.
 

Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now?

Bob Darts?

Bill Nah.

Bob Shoot some pool?

Bill Nah.

Bob Cards?

Bill Nah. Hey! I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and fool around with my wife.

Bob Whadaya mean?

Bill Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool around with my wife.

Bob What about me?

Bill She's a sport. She won't mind at all.

Bob Well... if you think it's okay...

Bill Sure. C'mon, let's go!

(At Bill's House)

Bill Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone shopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!

Who's Your Daddy

A teenage boy comes home and announces that he wants to marry the girl next door, Jane Jones. His father takes him aside and says, “I’m sorry , son, but years ago I was having an affair with Jane’s mother and I got her pregnant. You can’t marry her because she’s your half-sister.” A month later the son comes home and announces that he wants to marry a girl up the street, Sarah Smith. Again his father confesses that he once had an affair with Mrs . Smith, and that Sarah is in fact another half-sister. A month later the son announces his engagement to Amy Armstrong, but once more his father confesses that Amy is in fact another of his daughters. The son complains to his mother. “Dad’s driving me crazy,” he says. “Every time I fall in love with a girl it turns out she’s one of Dad’s daughters.” “Oh pay no attention to him,” says his mother. “It’s not like he’s your real father.”

President Sucks Sign

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks." Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news. "The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President." "Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?" "The handwriting''s the first lady''s."

I Remember You

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He’s taken aback and can’t place her. “Do I know you?” he asks. “I think you’re the father of one of my kids,” she says. He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. “Wow,” he says. “Are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who tied me down on the pool table, and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering, while your friend sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy, that was insane.” “No,” she says. “I think I’m your son’s math teacher.”