Skin Them

A New Yorker married a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were lying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she pointed it to her new husband. As he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked "What they don't use those things where you come from?" "Yeah," she said "but we don't skin 'em!"

Marriage Is...Part 2

Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.
Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

Lottery

A husband says to his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”
She says, “I would take half and then leave you.”
“Excellent,” he replies. “I won $12. Here’s $6. Now get the f*ck out.”