Hypothetically Speaking

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?" The father replies, "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000." The boy goes and asks his mother, "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies, "Hell yes I would!" The little boy returns to his father, "Dad, she said, 'Hell yes I would!'". The father then says, "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000." The boy asks his sister, "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?". The sister replies, "Hell yes I would!". He returns to his father, "Dad, she said, 'Hell yes I would!'". The father answers, "Okay son, here's the deal. Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

Social Security Sex

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

Women Get

When a woman gets married, she wants the 3 S's: sensitivity, sincerity, and sharing.
What does she get? The 3 B's: burps, body odor, and beer breath.