Mugged

I got mugged by a thief last night on my way home from work. He pointing a knife at me and said, "Your money or your life!" I told him I was married so I have no money and I have no life.
We hugged and cried together. It was a beautiful moment.

Who Was It?

The man came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful.
"Was it my friend Steve?" he yelled.
"No," she said.
"Was it my friend James?" he then asked.
"What?" she shouted. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?"

Traveling Salesman

Mr. Jones, upon returning from a business trip was shocked to find his wife in bed with a stranger. The nude stranger was sprawled over the bed asleep.
"You rotten bastard!" yelled the husband. "I'm going to kill you!"
"Wait!" said Mrs. Jones. "You know that fur coat I got last winter? Well, he gave it to me. And that diamond ring we sold for $1000s? Well, he gave it to me. And remember when we couldn't afford a new car, and I came home one day with a brand new chevy? Well, he gave it to me."
After hearing all this, Mr. Jones exclaimed, "For heaven sake woman, it's drafty in here. Cover him so he doesn't catch cold!"