Redneck Powerball

A Redneck buys a Powerball ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to claim his money and the clerk verifies his winning number. The Redneck says "I want my $524 Million." The clerk replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out over the next 19 years." The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the clerk patiently explains that he would only get one million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the clerk, screams out, "I WANT MY MONEY! If you're not going to give me my $524 million 'right now,' THEN I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS BACK!"

Redneck Mothers

Q: How do Redneck mothers know when their daughters are having their period?
A: Their son's dicks taste funny!

Redneck Morals

The out-of-state couple are camping on the shores of a lake near a tiny hamlet. The young wife, stunningly built, decides to give the local town folk a thrill by sun bathing in the nude. "That's OK with me, honey," says her husband. "I'll go get some wood for the fire." About thirty minutes later, the husband returns to the campsite and finds his wife in tears. One of her breasts has been painted green, the other red and her ass is blue. "What on earth happened to you dear?" he asks.
"Some of those rednecks from town came over and told me they don't allow any nakedness around these parts. Then they gave me this paint job!"
"Damn those trouble-makers! I'll fix them!" the husband shouts. He rides into town and finds the rednecks in a bar. "Who is the SOB who painted my wife red, green and blue!" he shouts.
A huge redneck, about 6'-8," steps forward, a shotgun in his hand. "I did it," he bellows. "What you got to say about it?"
The husband answers meekly, "I just wanted you to know the first coat of paint is dry."