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The best jokes and joke writers!

English vs Ebonics

English: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are cruising at flight level three five zero.   Feel free to move about the cabin.  Also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, so just sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight.  We'll be arriving at our destination in 20 minutes and I expect no delays. Enjoy the rest of your flight.

Ebonics: Ebonia Airlines Dis be yo' main man, we be chillin at tray-five -o, if you be flexin, get up off yo ass and shake that thang, my homey be killin' the man's opression.  If you wanna smoke chronic, just hang loose blood, them bitches be cruizin' on up with some forty-ounce 8-ball, so stop trippin' and sit your ass back down.  We be in the hood in no time afterall, I be bumpin switches all da' way. Peace out!

Redneck Dayvorce

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

The worst racist joke

So there is this guy named Bubba who lives in the South who is totally racist. He hates everyone of ethnic background so much that when ever he sees anyone of color walking down the street he runs them over with his truck. One day Bubba's wife invites the town preacher over for dinner and Bubba has to pick the preacher up and drive him to Bubba's house. Sure enough there is a black guy walking on the side of the road hitch hiking. Bubba cannot control his urge to hit the guy so he thinks to himself  "If I pretend to pass out I can swerve over and hit the guy and the preacher will be none the wiser". So Bubba pretends to pass out and swerves over, after he hears a thump he pretends to wake up. He says to the preacher "Please tell me I didn't hit that hitchhiker". The preacher turns to Bubba and says "No son, but I got him with the door."

Long, Black and Smelly

Q: What is long, black, and smelly?

A:  The unemployment line.

Shooting Cans!

A guy walks into a gun shop to buy a gun. "Can I help you sir?" asked the shopkeeper. "Ah, yes... I want to buy a .44 Magnum please." The shopkeeper informs the man that the .44 is a very powerful gun, and asks the customer what he's going to use it for. The man replies, "I want to shoot cans!" "What? Cans! You don't need a .44 to shoot cans sir, a much smaller gun would do," advised the shopkeeper. The customer has enough and finally says, "Shut up and give me the dang .44 Mag... I want to shoot AmeriCans, MexiCans, and AfriCans!"