Q: Why did the black man convert to Catholicism?
A: So he could finally have a father.
Jump Out of the Plane
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump. At least one of you will survive." The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers, "God Save The Queen," and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers, "Viva La France," and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers, "Remember the Alamo," and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto?
A: Roll a 40 down the street!
Two Arab brothers move to the USA and make a bet as to which of them would be the most "americanized" in a year. They have a phone call to celebrate their one year anniversary. One brother comments, "I just picked up my kids from baseball practice and we're heading to McDonald's."
The other brother says, "fuck off, towelhead!"
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.
Attorney: "May I help you?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."
Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."
Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."
Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"
Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."
Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."
Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."
Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"
Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."