Observations of Women

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult:
Charlotte Whitton: "Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone."
Lenny Bruce: "I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine."
Mel Gibson: "I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against."
David Niven: "One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
Edgar Watson: "Howe Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both."

English Teacher

The first civilian on the shuttle was an English teacher...now she's history.

Business One - Liners 12

Oliver's Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Orben's Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't, constants aren't.
Ozman's Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible
O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.
Parkinson's Laws: First Law - Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

• Second Law - Expenditures rise to meet income.
• Fourth Law - The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
• Law of Committees - The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
• Fifth Law - If there is a way to delay in important decision, the good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
• Sixth Law - Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.