Share this joke via Email (Step 2)
Share this Joke on Twitter
Registered Users Only
Registered Users Only
Get link for other Social Networks
- Home
- Popular Jokes
- New Releases
- Joke of the Day
- Browse By Category
- Browse Writers
- Contests
- Submit Joke
- Contact Us
- Info
All rights reserved.
- Home
- >
- Categories
- >
- One-Liner Jokes
- >
- All
One-Liner Jokes
We Stand In Front
Sign on a brake repair shop in Joliet, Illinois, "We stand in front of our work."
- 1
- 3
- 0
11 Business One Liners
- In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.
- In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
- In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.
- In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
- Incompetence is a double-edged banana.
- Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, American politician
- Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.
- Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'
- Interchangeable parts won't.
- Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
- It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- 1
- 4
- 1
Laws of Life
Katz's Law: Men and women will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Cahn's Axiom (aka Alien's Axiom): When all else fails, read the instructions.
Beckhap's Law: Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Jone's Motto: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
The Ultimate Law: All general statements are false.
Knight's Law: Life is what happens to you when you're making other plans.
Krueger's Observation: A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.
Benchley's Law of Distinction: There are two kinds of people in the world; those who believe there are two kinds of people and those who don't.
Harver's Law: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Rule of Accuracy: When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle's Third Law: In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Rudin's Law: In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics: You can't win. You can't break even. You can't quit.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law: Everything goes wrong all at once.
O'Toole's Commentary: Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Firestone's Law of Forecasting: Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Ralph's Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.
Murphy's 3rd Military Law: Friendly fire ain't.
Murphy's 4th Military Law: The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
Murphy's 5th Military Law: The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
Murphy's 6th Military Law: The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
Murphy's 7th Military Law: The farther you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's 8th Military Law: Incoming fire has the right of way.
Murphy's 9th Military Law: If your advance is going well, you're walking into an ambush.
Murphy's 10th Military Law: The quartermaster only has two sizes, too large and too small.
Murphy's 11th Military Law: If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Murphy's 13th Military Law: The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.
Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Peter's Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense.
Grossman's Misquote: Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Perkin's Postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Conway's Law: In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Horngren's Observation (generalized): The real world is a special case.
Shirley's Law: Most people deserve each other.
Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Colson's Law: When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Comin's Law: People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
Mencken's Metalaw: For every human problem there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.
Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Thoreau's Law: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good, you should run for your life.
Gerrold's Pronouncement: The difference between a politician and a snail is that a snail leaves its slime behind.
Hane's Law: There is no limit to how bad things can get.
Alan's Law: All things being equal, you lose.
- 1
- 3
- 0