Locate your Heart

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a gun shot in the knee.

Lighting the Way

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asks him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her husband said. She replied, "Damn it! The old fart's been pissing in the refrigerator again!"

Ladies Man

The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies? man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned. "Actually, sir," she pointed out, "for the first 45 years of it, I wasn't even born yet."