This Old Man
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a muttering word of protest, the old man gets up from his seat and quietly leaves the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he!" And the waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles!"
Locate your Heart
An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a gun shot in the knee.
The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies? man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned. "Actually, sir," she pointed out, "for the first 45 years of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Yo Mama - Birth Certificate
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it!
Yo Mama - Moses
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.