Get Rich Quick

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose-plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?" The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand; the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!"

Memories

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old man sits down next to him and says, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"You don't understand... I forgot where I live!" 

Old Feller in for a Checkup

One day an older fella was in for a checkup.
After his examination, his doctor was amazed.
"holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in the greatest shape of any 64 year old I have ever examined!"
"did I say I was 64?"
"Well, no, did I read your chart wrong?"
"damn straight you did! I'm 85!"
"85!! Unbelievable! You would be in great shape if you were25! How old was your father when he died?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"You mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 106 and going strong!"
"my Lord! What a healthy family you must come from! How long did your grandfather live?"
"did I say he was dead?"
"no! You can't mean..."
"Damn straight! He's 126, and getting married next week!"
"126! Truly amazing, Mr. Edwards. But gee, I wouldn't think a man would want to get married at that age!"
"did I say he wanted to get married?..."