Jokes about Age

• OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out
• OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar
• OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line
• OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed
• OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot
• OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces
• OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmas
• OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus home
• OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing
• OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off
• OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane
• OLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attraction
• OLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle it
• OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drain
• OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out 

Now That I'm Older...

Now that I'm older... here's what I've discovered...

• I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.
• When did my wild oats turn into prunes and All Bran?
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• If all is not lost, where is it?
• It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
• The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
• I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through, though.
• It was all so different before everything changed.
• Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
• I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few....
• Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
• It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
• When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Women Over Fifty...

Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies?
A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.