Bad Jeeves

A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jeeves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay there, as several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jeeves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She looked at him and smiled. "Jeeves," she said. "Take off my dress."
He did this carefully.  "Jeeves," she continued.  "Take off my stockings and garter."
He silently obeyed her.  "Jeeves," she then said.  "Remove my bra and panties. "
As he did this, the tension continued to mount.  She then said, "Jeeves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"

What Not To Say In The Workplace

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Fired From Bank Job

Lem: ''I got fired from my job as a bank guard.'' Clem: ''That's awful. What happened?'' Lem: ''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.'' Clem: ''What did thief do then?'' Lem: ''He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!''