You Know You're Having a Bad Day When...

• Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
• You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
• You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
• Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
• Your income tax refund check bounces.
• The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
• You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
• You put both contacts into the same eye.
• Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
• Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
• You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your Mastercard.
• Nothing you own is actually paid for.
• Everyone loves your driver's licence picture, but you think it looks awful.
• The health inspector condems your office coffee maker.
• You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
• The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
• People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
• When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
• You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
• You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night... and there aren't any.
• It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.

What Not To Say In The Workplace

• I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
• It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I'm really quite busy.
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Office Woes

Couldn't believe all the shit on my desk this morning.
My co-workers really don't like me.