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The best jokes and joke writers!

Dumb Robber

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery. However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly, "Did I pay for the gum?" By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.

Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

  1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
  2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
  3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
  4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
  5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
  6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
  7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
  8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
  9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
  10. "I'm looking for beer money"

Do You Accept Credit Cards?

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9,600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.

Floating Television

Q: What do you say when you see your television floating at night?

A: "Drop it nigga."