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The best jokes and joke writers!

Voices From an Armored Car

The man walked past the armored car and hears people talking inside. He stepped closer to hear what they were saying: "I see you, and I'll raise you another sixty thousand."

Ponderings Continued

  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
  • When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
  • Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
  • If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
  • Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

Tattoo Idea

Q: Why is it a good idea to tattoo a $100 bill on your penis?

A: Have you ever known a women that wouldn't blow a hundred dollars?

Help Me Win the Lotto

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please God... let me win the Lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. And again she prays... "God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."

Dollars Equals Cents

Theorem: 1$ = 1c. Proof: And another that gives you a sense of money disappearing. 1$ = 100c= (10c)^2= (0.1$)^2= 0.01$= 1c.

Here $ means dollars and c means cents. This one is scary in that I have seen PhD's in math who were unable to see what was wrong with this one. Actually I am crossposting this to sci.physics because I think that the latter makes a very nice introduction to the importance of keeping track of your dimensions.