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The best jokes and joke writers!

Speed of Light

Q: Assume you drive your car at light speed. What happens when you turn on the head lights?

Pigs and Blonde NASA Mission

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?" The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink." Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?" The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink." Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?" The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm.... Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs - and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"

Monkey Travels in Space

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: One of the passengers in a Soviet spacecraft is fooling around with the equipment, and his monkeyshines may end the flight prematurely. The passenger is in fact a monkey named Yarosha -- Russian slang for village troublemaker. Evidently bored on the fifth day of a scheduled 12-day flight, Yarosha slipped out of his harness and took a tour of the spacecraft. Tass, the Soviet news agency, reported that Yarosha was having a delightful time tampering with all of the equipment within reach. Watch out, Yarosha; if you break something, they'll probably dock your flight pay.

NASA Puts Cows in Orbit

NASA put a bunch of cows into orbit. They call it the herd shot round the world.