Math & Science Jokes - Others

Real Answers From Earth Science Exams

• The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants.
• Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic.
• The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is Lyme disease.
• We don't have rock salt on Guam because that forms from from evaporation of oceans and we don't have oceans on Guam.
• Erie, Pennsylvania has no volcanoes because it's too cold there.
• The most important agent of landscape formation on Guam is greyhounds - they are intelligent.
• We know that the sun is much farther away from us than the moon is, because we can see stars between us and the sun, but not between us and the moon.
• The rear end of a trilobite is called a trilobutt. 

The Geologist's Come-All-Ye (a folksong) by Brenna Lorenz

Come all ye lads and you will hear About the life that we love dear, Refrain: With our diddle-air-re-oh, falling rock away, knock it down, Fall-di-knock-a-rock-away, me laddie-oh! Geologists all bold and strong, We are the subject of this song. We get up with the rising sun And map until the day is done. We walk two hundred miles a day, And study rocks along the way. We fight our way through brush and trees And slog through bog up to our knees. When flies are thick, then we don't walk, They carry us from rock to rock. We swing our hammers with a whack, Take home an outcrop on our backs. Nine hundred pounds of rock or more Is just an average daily score. If we run out of food to eat There's always rock beneath our feet. There's nothing quite like granite stew 'Though graptolites are some good, too. In the evening to the clubs we flock, To drink Dominion and Old Stock. Here's to your health and our health, too, May your life prove as good to you, As our... 

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there were two evil friars living outside this small village. The friars had tried unsuccessfully to overtake and capture the town, but finally this time, they believed they had hit upon a foolproof scheme that would allow them to rule the village. They had, through mad scientist experiments in their floral shop, come up with a plant that would devour the townspeople one by one until none were left. They set forth to put their plan into action by planting the man-eating plants so they encircled the village. As the plants rapidly grew, they began devouring everything living in their path. The townspeople grew frightened; who or what would save them from their eminent doom? Finally, the town's elder remember Hugh, a woodcutter who lived on the outskirts of town. Frantically, the townspeople penned a desperate plea for help, tied it to the leg of a pigeon, and directed the bird toward Hugh's cabin. Meanwhile, outside of town, Hugh had received the note from the townspeople, and realizing they were in grave danger, set forth to do what he needed to do. He honed his mightiest axe to razor-sharpness, grabbed his hat, and off he went. Chopping his way through the dense vines, he single-handedly destroyed the carnivorous plants one by one, until all were destroyed. Then he set out to rid the village of the evil friars, chasing them out of town. The town was saved!!! The people rejoiced and knighted Hugh for his brave and timely efforts to save the village!!! And the moral of the story is: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland (Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz

Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown, And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate, Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky; Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! Your once-proud bank was bowing down, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Subduction did thy margin drown, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, The angry mantle did desire to smother thee with ash and fire, And close Iapetus entire, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! The island arc with fiery breath, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Did shower all the land with death, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Until subduction's starving throat, on Grenville crust was made to choke, The tyrant's rule collision broke, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! The land subsided in its pain, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Olistostromes in chaos reigned, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Then in Caradoc time there came a shale everywhere the same That blanketed thy wounds and shame, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! Behold! Upon thy ancient shore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, A landmass was annealed once more, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Alas! Thy trials go on and on, for rifting struck the Avalon - The cycle must repeat anon, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! 

The Marginal Basin Song by Chris Stillman (melody: Lead us on, thou Heavenly Father)

On a margin runs a canyon down into the ocean dark; There's a basin slowly filling with detritus from the arc. Refrain: For the drifting causes rifting, Opens basins mighty fine Which strike-slip will close in time. With volcanics there's no problem; they're erupting all the time; Fill the thin with pillow lavas, sheeted dikes and serpentine. Rising slowly from the ocean filled with gritties coarse and fine, Are you fore-arc? Are you anti-arc? Are you just a geosyncline?