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The best jokes and joke writers!

Temperatures and What They Mean

Temperatures and What They Mean

40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.

35 Italian cars don't start.

32 Water freezes.

30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless.

25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you.

20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath.

15 N.Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless.

12 You plan a vacation to Mexico.

10 Too cold to snow

5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

3 You plan a vacation in Houston.

0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start.

-5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.

-10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless.

-15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going.

-20 You plan a 2-week hot bath.

-25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars don't start.

-30 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button... Below

-30 The kids call home from college. End of the world...

Newfoundland - Geology Song

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland (Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz

Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown, And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate, Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky; Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! Your once-proud bank was bowing down, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Subduction did thy margin drown, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, The angry mantle did desire to smother thee with ash and fire, And close Iapetus entire, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! The island arc with fiery breath, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Did shower all the land with death, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Until subduction's starving throat, on Grenville crust was made to choke, The tyrant's rule collision broke, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! The land subsided in its pain, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Olistostromes in chaos reigned, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Then in Caradoc time there came a shale everywhere the same That blanketed thy wounds and shame, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! Behold! Upon thy ancient shore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, A landmass was annealed once more, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland, Alas! Thy trials go on and on, for rifting struck the Avalon - The cycle must repeat anon, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland! 

The Marginal Basin Song

The Marginal Basin Song by Chris Stillman (melody: Lead us on, thou Heavenly Father)

On a margin runs a canyon down into the ocean dark; There's a basin slowly filling with detritus from the arc. Refrain: For the drifting causes rifting, Opens basins mighty fine Which strike-slip will close in time. With volcanics there's no problem; they're erupting all the time; Fill the thin with pillow lavas, sheeted dikes and serpentine. Rising slowly from the ocean filled with gritties coarse and fine, Are you fore-arc? Are you anti-arc? Are you just a geosyncline? 

Science Pick Up

We'd go together like a monomer and reaction initialiser.

A Geologist's Ode to Olivine

The Geology Poem  - Ode to Olivine in Thin Section, a poem by Brenna Lorenz 

In basalt a lurid green Bespeaks the savage olivine; Mantle's child, born of fire, Restless in the open air, Little beads of anger bear The torture of desire. Silica upon its face It suffers, helpless, in disgrace, Its powers of reaction bound By solid's bond and cage, In agony confined to rage Unstable and unsound. Its birefringent power plays The sifted light to rare displays; The haunting, primal colors tell Of fire and fury's flag unfurled, Flag of fluid, nether world, Beneath the fragile shell.