Q: Did you here about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?
A: He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
He Is On The Outside
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced- in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares: "I define myself to be on the outside."
Measurement of a Pole
An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polack with a very long pole and a yardstick. He's standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick. Seeing the Polack's ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, "There! 10 feet long." The Polack grabs the yardstick and shouts, "You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"
Friction annoys me.
It's such a drag.
Q: What did the farmer say when he read that genetic engineers were implanting human DNA into goats?
A: "Hell, I've been doing that for years."