Math & Science Jokes

How to Hunt Elephants -- Math style

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Professors of mathematics prove the existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate students.

Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chauffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer "Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"

Q: What did the number zero say to the number eight?

A: Why have you got your belt pulled so tight?

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "Ok, I get it!" and pours two pints.

Top Ten Changes to the new Star Wars update

#10 Tie fighters replaced with black UN helicopters lead by Buotros Buotros Vader.

#9 Sand People replaced by Michigan Militia members (and still walk single file to hide their numbers).

#8 Kahn turns out to be Captain Kirk's father (whoops, that's from the Top Ten new Star Trek movie changes).

#7 Chewbacca now giggles when you tickle his tummy.

#6 If you look closely, storm troopers now have Microsoft employee badges.

#5 Original Jawas: Killed by Storm Troopers for having R2 and C3P0. New Jawas: Killed for pitching yet another lame JAVA product "concept".

#4 Obi Wan's name changed to OS/2 Kenobi. Uncle Owen now constantly says "I think he died X years ago" where X changes between 10 years before to 10 years in the future. Storm troopers now don't kill Uncle Owen but instead appoint him head of the Imperial press.

#3 Amiga users upset because the new computers in the Death Star are PC's when they could have been replaced with a single Amiga 1000 with 512K of ram and still run "tons faster and do real multitasking unlike those PEE-CEEs"

#2 The Canteen now has real rock stars in it. They look as they normally do but still manage to look more alien than the original aliens in there.

#1 Death Star's old slogan: "Fear this battle station" Death Star's NEW slogan: "Where do you want to go today?"