Cranking

Little Johnny is caught swearing by his teacher. “Johnny, you shouldn’t use that kind of language ,” says the teacher. “Where on earth did you hear such talk?” “My daddy said it,” replies Johnny. “Well, that doesn’t matter,” explains the teacher. “You don’t even know what it means.” “I do, too!” replies Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

Little Johnny's Dad

Little Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family that does something amazing. The next day, he returns and tells the class that his father eats lightbulbs. "How do you know that?" asks his teacher. "I heard him say it. He and Mom were in the bedroom and he said 'I'll only eat that thing if you turn out the light.'"

Little Johnny's Father's Occupation

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today." The first student raised her hand to volunteer. "Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny." The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?" Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie." "Very good," the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again. Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next. Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."