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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Last Words

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, "My father's dead, Miss." "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?" "He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed."

Little Johnny - Don't Ask

Little Johnny asked his mom about her age. "Johnny, gentlemen don't ask ladies that question" Johnny asks his mom about her weight. "Johnny, gentlemen also don't ask ladies about their weight" So Little Johnny asks, "Why did daddy leave you then?"

"Johnny lets not talk about that." She then sent Johnny to his room. On his way to his room he trips on his mom's purse and there he finds her drivers license.

He runs back to his mom and proudly says, "Mom! I know all about you now! You are 42 years old, weigh 172 pounds and the reason why daddy left you is because you got an 'F' in sex!"

Jake the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

Little Jake says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an unlimited Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." 

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Jake, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.  "And how about you, Suzie?"

"I wanna be Jake’s whore." 

Little Gregory Wakes Up in the Middle of the Night

Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother's room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, "I want a man, I want a man." Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory takes off to bed. Next night the same thing happens. On the third night, Gregory wakes up and goes into his mom's room but this time there is a man in bed with his mom. Gregory hoofs back to his room and whips off his pajamas, rubs his chest and groans " I want a bike, I want a bike!"

Light Bulbs For Dinner

Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!" "Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has light bulbs for dinner!" "Really?" "Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!"