Little Johnny / Suzie Jokes

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!"

A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" "Sure," Little Johnny responds, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."

Q: "Johnny, why did you kick your brother in the stomach?" exclaimed the angry mother.

A: “It was pure accident, Mama. He turned around.”

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher had the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ken fought in the Iraq war. His Black Hawk helicopter was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 mean and nasty Iraqi Republican Guard soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of ammunition, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ken when he's been drinking."

Little Johnny wakes up and comes down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not yet," replied little Johnny. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, now he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk this morning." Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says... "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"