Suarez the Cannibal

Q: Did you hear about Suarez the cannibal?
A: Relatively ordinary guy, has a house, a beautiful wife, loves to eat Italian.

Wearing Suspenders

Your sister's so anorexic she has to wear suspenders with her skinny jeans.

Abstain from Sex

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice. Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection." Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms. The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"