A Bunch of Better Idiots

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.

• "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
• "Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
• "I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
• "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"
• "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?
• "I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)
• "I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months." (I know... how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)
• "I need a color photograph of George Washington." (Ok... hold on... I'll check with the caveman...)
• "Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk) This one gets the golden stupidity award!

Insult Collection

• Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
• I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
• You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.
• You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!
• Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
• I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
• Take a vacation go to Club Dead.
• Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
• You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
• You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.
• You grow on people -- like a wart!

Favorite Insults

When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember these quips from our collection at JokerZ - enjoy!

• Operating in stand-by mode.
• Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
• Out there where the buses don't run.
• Outlet isn't grounded.
• Over the rainbow.
• Overdue for reincarnation.
• Paged/swapped out.
• Paralyzed from the neck up.
• Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
• Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
• Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
• People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
• Perfect chassis, bad driver.
• Perfect face for Halloween.