Did You Understand?

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Working at a theater box-office ticket window poses many challenges in dealing with people. When a disgruntled customer at a window exclaimed, "No Tickets?" What do you mean NO TICKETS?" The women waiting on him smiled sweeting. "I'm terribly sorry, sir," she replied. "Which word didn't you understand?"

Insult Collection 02

• If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
• You'd make a lovely corpse!
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
• Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
• You're a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh?
• Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?
• You love nature in spite of what it did to you?
• I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?
• I wish I'd known you when you were alive.
• If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginner's luck!
• What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.
• When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
• I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
• You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
• Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
• Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
• I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest!
• If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
• You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

Your Dad's Like Cement

Your dad's like cement, it takes him two days to get hard!