New Clothes

A wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

Redneck - Prom

You might be a redneck if . . . your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.

Suicide Insult

Slit your wrists, it will lower your blood pressure.