Punishment

Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don't want the neighbors to think I'm employing corporal punishment, dear

New Clothes

A wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

Suicide Insult

Slit your wrists, it will lower your blood pressure.