Mushrooms

Q: What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?
A: He's a real fun guy [fungi]."

Puppy Love

A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy." The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The Dad responded very caring and slowly to his impressionable little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother." The little boy replied, "Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!"

Business One-Liners

• Never bet on a loser because you think his luck is about to change.
• Never buy from a rich salesman.
• Never do anything you wouldn't be caught dead doing.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• Never eat prunes when you are famished.
• Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
• Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
• Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
• Never invest in anything that eats.
• Never kick a man unless he's down.