No Poop

My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... 
...either way he's full of shit.

Greatest Daddy

Three young boys were walking on the sidewalk arguing over whose daddy was the greatest. One said, "My dad is the greatest because he is the president of the town bank." The second boy said, "That is pretty good, but my daddy owns two grocery stores in town!" The third boy said, "That's nothing, my dad is a preacher, and he owns hell. He came home last night and told my mom that the Church Board gave it to him!"

Enterprise Illness

Q: What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
A: Chicken Spocks!