Insect jokes

• Q: Where would you put an injured insect?
  A: In an antbulance!
• Q: What's an insects best chat up line?
  A: Pardon me, but is this stool taken!
• Q: What has four wheels and flies?
  A: A garbage truck!
• Q: What happened to the man who turned into an insect?
  A: He just beetled off!
• Q: What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?
  A: A pool table?
• Q: What lives in gum trees?
  A: Stick insects!
• Q: How do we know that insects are so clever?
  A: Because they always know when you're eating outside!
• Q: What is the insect's favorite game?
  A: Cricket! 

Ugly Toad

Q: What did the witch say to the ugly toad?
A: "I'd put a curse on you but it looks like someone already beat me to it"!

Meet the Family

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight.
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.
This should be an interesting night.