Avocados and Lawyers

Q: Why is an avocado like a lawyer? (both are "avocat" in French)
A: Both have hearts like stones.

Market Development

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

Lawyer, Police Man, Doctor

Three men die, a lawyer, police man, and a doctor. At the pearly gates, the police man walks up to Saint Peter and says "I have put criminals away and stopped many crimes like murder, can I get into heaven?"
Saint Peter says "Sorry, we're sorta having a party right now, so no."
The doctor walks up to Saint Peter and says "I have saved many lives and have helped people feel better, can I get into heaven?"
Saint Peter says "Nope, we're kinda busy right now."
The lawyer walks up to Saint Peter and says "I've sued many people, can I get into heaven?"
Saint Peter says "Sure! Come on in! Join the party!"
The police man and the doctor walk up to Saint Peter and ask why the lawyer got in, and they didn't.
Saint Peter told them "We don't get many of his kind around here."