Tomato Family

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

Mountain Dew

Girl: "Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?"
Guy: "Yes, can I 'mount-ain dew' you?"

Senior Citizen Treats

A tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he's driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch of peanuts, the bus driver asks the little old lady why she doesn't eat them. "We can't chew them because we've got no teeth," she says. So, the puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The little old lady replies, "We just love the chocolate around them!!"