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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Conventioneer from Saskatchewan

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman. "Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?".  "Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."  "Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"

Signs You Are A Canadian

  1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
  2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
  3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
  4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
  5. You drink pop, not soda.
  6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
  7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
  8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
  9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
  10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
  11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
  12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
  13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
  14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
  15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
  16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
  17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
  18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
  19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
  20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
  21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
  22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
  23. You read rather than scanned this list.

Canadian History Lesson

On my last trip to Canada, I had the rare pleasure of meeting the leading historian of this great country. Out of curiosity I asked him how their country got it's name. Below is his explanation:

There were three explorers, hiking through what is now known as Canada. "You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this place we're hiking through."

"I agree," said the second explorer.

"Great idea" quipped the third explorer.

"We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."

"Okay," said the third, "I'll go first. C, eh."?The second said: "N, eh."

The first... "D, eh."

And now you know the story.

Scott in Canada

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"

The bartender replies, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

Headline: Burger King buys Tim Hortons

What's next Burger King, Canada's Parliament Hill? Sounds about right, because so many “ whoppers" are sold to Canadians from there!