Signs You Are A Canadian
- You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
- You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
- You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
- You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
- You drink pop, not soda.
- You know what it means to be on pogey.
- You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
- You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
- You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
- You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
- You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
- You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
- When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
- You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
- You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
- Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
- You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
- You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
- You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
- You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
- You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
- You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
- You read rather than scanned this list.
Scott in Canada
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...
He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"
You are from Canada
You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when....
- You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
- You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
- The mosquitoes have landing lights.
- You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
- You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
- Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
- You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
- At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
- The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
- Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
- You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
- You head south to go to your cottage.
- You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
- The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
- You find -40C a little chilly.
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
- You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
- You can play road hockey on skates.
- You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
- The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
- You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.
Headline: Burger King buys Tim Hortons
What's next Burger King, Canada's Parliament Hill? Sounds about right, because so many “ whoppers" are sold to Canadians from there!
Q: Why don't Canadians wear tank tops?
A: They don't have the right to bare arms.