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The best jokes and joke writers!

Stranded on an Island

A Canadian, an American and a Chinese man are stranded on a deserted island. The Canadian tells the others that he will be in charge of food. American volunteers to be in charge of water and the Chinese man says he will be in charge of supplies. They split up to do their jobs and decide to meet up later. When the Canadian and the American return, there is no sign of the Chinese man. Days pass by, but they still can't find their friend. One day as they are walking along a path, the Chinese man jumps from the bushes and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

Canadian Baseball

Q: What do you call a Canadian Baseball team?

A: Foreigners.

Canadian Tatoo

This guy gets a map of Canada tatooed on his butt. The only trouble is that every time he takes a dump, Quebec separates.

Canadian Cross the Road

Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road?

A: He saw some American do it on TV.

You are from Canada

You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when....

  • You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
  • You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
  • The mosquitoes have landing lights.
  • You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
  • You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
  • Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
  • You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
  • You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
  • You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
  • The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
  • At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
  • The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
  • Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
  • You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
  • You head south to go to your cottage.
  • You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
  • You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  • The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
  • You find -40C a little chilly.
  • The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
  • You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
  • You can play road hockey on skates.
  • You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
  • The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
  • You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.