Ebonics Christmas

Wuz de nite befo Crimmus an' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin', Dey wuz sleepin' good. We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause be bringin' our check. All o'de fambily wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads. Passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw when I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!" I looked out thru de bars what covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff wif a warrent fo sho and what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon pulled by giant warf rats! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white, but looks liken us bros gets a black Sanna dis nite. Faster dan a Po'lees car my home boy he came he whupped on dem warf rats an' called dem by name! On Leroy, on 'Lonzo, and on Willie Lee, on Saphire, on Chenequa, dey wuz a site to see! As he landed dat watta' mellon out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' da damndest site I ebber did see. He didn't go down no chimbley he picked da' lock on my doe, an' I sez to myself, "Shit! he done dis befoe!" He had dis big bag full of prezents I 'xpect wid Air Jordans and fake gold to wear roun' my neck. But he not leevin no prezents, jus stealing my shit, got my drugs, got my guns, got my crack pipe, still lit! Wit my stuff in de bag out da window he flewed I woudda' tried to cut him, but he stoled my 'nife too! He jumped on dat wadda' mellon an' whipped out a switch, he wuz gone in a seccon', dat sum of a bitch! Next year I be hopin' anutha Sanna we git Cuz' diz here Sanna Clause jus' ain't werf a shit! Murry Crimmus

Offended Puerto Ricans

Q: What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

Made In America

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffee pot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in... AMERICA...