Pat and Jimmy-Joe

Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, "Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?" Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't." His friend asked, "Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?" Pat said, "It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us."

10 Signs Your Amish Teen's in Trouble

1. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6 am.
2. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
3. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
4. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
5. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
6. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to disco!."
7. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
8. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
9. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
10. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.

Out The Window!

There was an American on a business trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat. He said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat." Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "You rude American! My little poodle needs somewhere to be!" So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?" Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodle!" So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child. Finally he'd had enough and grabbed the dog and threw it out the window. The woman sat in disbelief until the man across the isle said, "You damn Americans, you do everything wrong! You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the fork in the wrong hand, and now you throw the wrong bitch out the window!"