Catch Another Ride

There were two little crabs who met in Florida every year. One year when they arrived, one little crab was shivering terribly. The other crab asked why and he said, "I got a ride here on a man's mustache. He drove so fast, I was freezing."
"Well," the other crab said, "why don't you hide up a lady's skirt next year. Then you won't be as cold." The little crab said, "Hey, that isn't a bad idea." A year later, the two crabs met at the same place, and the one little crab was shivering very badly again. The other crab asked if he had taken his advice and he said, "Yeah, I went and hid up a lady's skirt, but when I woke up in the morning I was on that's guy's mustache again!"

Yo Mama - Fresh Crabs

Your mom's so nasty, she puts ice down her pants to keep her crabs fresh!

Offer a Hand

Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. ''Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir,'' says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. ''Thank you very much, sir!'' says the armless man. ''No problem,'' says Bob ''but what the hell is wrong with your penis?'' The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says ''I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"